ways you can show up for yourself even when you don’t feel like it

there are days when showing up feels impossible. not because something catastrophic has happened, but because life itself feels like too much to carry. the inboxes overflow. the texts pile up. the small tasks that used to take five minutes now feel like mountains. you sit on the couch with your half-drunk coffee and stare at the wall, wondering why even the simplest acts — cooking something, making your bed, answering a call — feel like they require a version of you that no longer exists. i’ve learned that on those days, the question is not how do i push through? but how do i meet myself where i am? how do i show up, not in the grand, performative way i think i should, but in the quiet, necessary way i actually need?

these are the ways i’ve learned to do that. they are not glamorous. they are not the kind of things that will go viral on a self-help thread. they won’t make you feel like you have your life together. but they will give you something far more valuable — a sense of being anchored to yourself, even when the current is strong.

1. choose one thing that matters and let the rest be messy

the world tells us that self-care is about doing everything perfectly: a clean house, a green smoothie, a journal filled with gratitude. but showing up for yourself often means choosing one thing and letting the rest be undone. maybe that one thing is a shower. maybe it’s sending a single email. maybe it’s stepping outside to feel the sun on your face. i’ve found that when i stop trying to fix everything, i can give my whole attention to one small act that feels grounding. and sometimes, that one thing is enough to shift the day.

2. speak to yourself like you would a friend who’s struggling

most of us have learned how to be compassionate to others. we know how to say “you’re doing your best” or “take it easy, you’re tired.” but when it comes to ourselves, we default to harshness. we tell ourselves to try harder, to stop being lazy, to snap out of it. on the days when i feel like i can’t show up, i ask myself what i’d say to my closest friend if she were feeling this way. and then i try to say those words to myself. it feels unnatural at first — but it’s one of the most radical acts of self-preservation i know.

3. make something small and unimportant

creativity doesn’t need to be useful to count. sometimes showing up for yourself means baking something you don’t even want to eat, just to feel the texture of dough in your hands. or doodling in a notebook with no intention of sharing it. i started doing this during a period of burnout, and it changed everything. because when the pressure to be productive is removed, creativity becomes something softer — not about output, but about presence. it reminds you that you’re still here. you’re still capable of making something, even if the world never sees it.

4. do the thing you’re resisting — but only for two minutes

there’s a trick i learned during a particularly hard season: set a timer for two minutes and commit to doing something you’ve been avoiding. often, once you start, momentum builds on its own. but even if it doesn’t, two minutes is still two minutes. two minutes of folding laundry or writing or tidying a corner of your space. and sometimes, that tiny act is enough to remind you that you’re capable of more than the heaviness is telling you.

5. romanticize the ordinary

when you don’t feel like yourself, the world can look flat. you stop noticing the little details that make life beautiful. so i make it a practice to romanticize the smallest parts of my day. i light a candle while answering emails. i pour water into a glass cup instead of drinking from the bottle. i put on a playlist that feels like the soundtrack to a life i want to return to. these tiny gestures feel almost ridiculous — but they remind me that life is not just a series of tasks. it’s also texture, and smell, and sound, and ritual.

6. give yourself permission to take shortcuts

some days, self-care is not about doing more — it’s about doing less. using paper plates because you don’t have the energy to do dishes. ordering takeout without guilt. wearing the same comfortable outfit for three days. there’s a narrative that says you have to try harder to get out of a rut. but i’ve learned that sometimes the most loving thing you can do is remove friction, even if it means things aren’t perfect. survival is also a form of showing up.

7. talk it out, even if no one is listening

i’ve started talking to myself out loud on hard days. i’ll narrate what i’m doing, like “okay, we’re getting up now. we’re putting on socks. we’re going to the kitchen.” it sounds silly, but it helps. it makes me feel less trapped in my head. sometimes i record voice notes — not to send to anyone, but just to hear my own thoughts in my own voice. there’s something powerful about putting feelings into words, even if no one else hears them. it’s a way of saying, “i’m here, i’m real, i’m still thinking.”

8. set boundaries you can actually keep

on the days when i feel like i’m unraveling, i have to lower the bar for what i can give to others. i mute group chats. i don’t answer calls unless they’re urgent. i say no to things i’d normally say yes to, because i know my energy is finite. this isn’t selfishness — it’s a form of self-respect. because if i don’t protect my energy when i’m low, i end up resenting everyone, including myself.

9. remember that showing up isn’t always visible

there are days when showing up looks like doing absolutely nothing — except breathing. letting your body rest. allowing yourself to feel exhausted without trying to fight it. there’s a kind of power in that surrender. it’s not giving up. it’s listening. because sometimes your body and mind need stillness more than they need action. and the moment you stop seeing stillness as failure, you start to heal.

10. create something just for your future self

this is one of my favorite ways to care for myself when i feel empty. i’ll write a note to the version of me who’s going to feel better in a few days. i’ll cook something simple and freeze it. i’ll leave a playlist for my future self to find. it’s a small reminder that i’m not stuck — that there’s a future version of me who will feel lighter, and that i can make her life just a little bit easier.

showing up for yourself isn’t about discipline or hustle or even motivation. it’s about care. about choosing — in a thousand small ways — not to abandon yourself when things feel heavy. i’ve learned that these moments, the small ones, matter more than the grand gestures. they are what get you through.