What a gem of a piece. I seldom comment on the social media of strangers but I felt compelled to because of the complete honesty and accuracy of this piece. It felt as if I was reading thoughts I’ve been thinking for years but never really had the words to articulate them. I think so many of us crave the feeling of being explainable, digestible, understandable and so we minimize the complexity of our experience in order to be easier to comprehend to ourselves and to others. There’s such value in being okay with the uncertainty and the nuance. We don’t need to be able to explain everything
I love these reflections. I think we often define self-awareness as a narrative, but then we become attached to the narrative and identify with it, so nothing changes. Real self-awareness may be to know that the narrative is just another layer full of distractions and defences, and that we don't always fully know what lies behind. It's hard to let go and accept not knowing when you identify as someone self-aware, but I think it's necessary, and often more true than holding on to all our explanations.
when no one understands you because you hyper-understand yourself feels like being trapped in clear box and watching your closest friends standing outside. then you realize, the box only exists in your head
This feels like the fancy way of me trying to explain to my husband that I'd quite like to dye my hair, but I'm 'not a person who dyes their hair', so what does that mean? And him just going 'I think it means you'd like to dye your hair'. I used to think him a touch on the vacant side but these days I'm very jealous and he's basically a guru to me.
"you become a character in your own story, and not always in the empowering, main-character-energy way. sometimes, you become your own surveillance system. tracking your motives. observing your micro-triggers. scanning for dysfunction. and the irony is: the more you analyze yourself, the harder it becomes to feel like a person."
i actually went to therapy because of that (kinda). because of being too self-aware and reflective. i remember my therapist saying ,,eeske, your only problem is being self-aware, too reflective. while you understand yourself, you also understand others and validate that they hurt you because you understand them. sometimes people hurt you and you shouldn‘t validate. they hurt you. end of the story. now be angry. sad. anything. just don‘t say ,,its okay, i understand why they did it“
‘eeske, your only problem is being self-aware, too reflective. while you understand yourself, you also understand others and validate that they hurt you because you understand them. sometimes people hurt you and you shouldn‘t validate. they hurt you. end of the story. now be angry. sad. anything. just don‘t say ,,its okay, i understand why they did it“ ……. This really resonated with me thanks 🌸
Wow it’s amazing how your pieces put into words how i feel. Just last night after a therapy session i had a midnight breakdown - i couldn’t trust my instincts anymore. i know how to label the reason why my response is on the back of a “trigger” or “trauma” and what the “right” response should have been. But that is the way i am and now i feel like I’m just not good enough. Thanks for writing this, makes me feel like I’m not alone!
Everything is commodified. We do it to ourselves; turning ourselves in to a product that’s marketable and hopefully lucrative. I sometimes wonder if people would know how to spend their day if money wasn’t an object. If we all stepped off the grind, there was no need for “hustle” or entrepreneurship. Do people even know what they like anymore?
Wow, thank you for this, it really made a whole lot of sense to me. I’ve been on a journey of self awareness now for 2-3 years and have lost myself! This spoke my language and told me some truths that have actually become my life but I wasn’t aware. So much for self awareness! 🤪😂. I think that I will just be me, not analyse everything because of what I have learned. It was helpful but I have lost myself and the joy of living. Maybe it’s time to put that learning in a box and just live my life. Thank you for this, it may just be the answer I’ve been looking for. 😊
I often compare myself now to how I was when I was much younger & realise I now live with a lot of restraint. But maybe there’s a freedom to youth, because we don’t know any better. I can’t speak for everyone, but I think we live in a society that’s made us afraid: afraid of getting it ‘wrong,’ of offending someone, of being cancelled. While I think self awareness it’s important and valued, it does carry a burden that you alluded to. I also think that’s just part of everything in life — the two sides of every coin. It takes a very deep thinker to write what you did. Thanks for always sharing your perspective — and for giving me something to ponder 🤔
A boy was once abandoned—maybe his friend left the city, stopped calling. It hurt. His limbic brain screamed, but he didn’t want to sit with that pain. So his rational brain stepped in and did what humans always do: justified it.
He told himself: “Friendship is overrated.”
And maybe, in some ways, he was right. But here’s what happened next.
He isolated himself. Because if people can’t leave, they can’t hurt you.
He called it “independence.”
He became more inward, more calculating, more precise.
He stopped going out, stopped trusting, stopped risking.
His loneliness grew like mold. To cope, he got addicted—to screens, to self-analysis, to thoughts, to power.
His prefrontal cortex shrunk. His emotional range dulled.
He didn’t notice.
Because his half-baked self-awareness kept whispering,
> “I’m just self-protecting.”
“I’m just introverted.”
“People don’t get me.”
“I’m healing.”
But really?
He was scared shitless—
Scared of rejection, scared of being unloved, scared of being seen in his rawness.
So he became smart instead. Smart enough to predict pain. Smart enough to fake detachment.
And now, he thinks he understands himself.
That’s you.
You’re not self-aware. You’re self-monitoring.
You’re not detached. You’re controlled.
You didn’t transcend the ego. You taught it how to talk in wellness-speak.
You say people overuse therapy terms, that they narrate instead of heal.
And yet what is this essay if not a narration? A performance? A perfect, melancholic loop of poetic detachment?
You wear insight like an outfit. Not as armor—no, you’re past that stage. Now it's couture. Elegant, flowing. But still armor. Still defense.
You claim you’re “ten steps ahead of your emotions,”
but being ten steps ahead isn’t wisdom—it’s fear.
It’s what you do when you think if I understand every feeling, maybe I won’t have to feel it.
You call it observation.
I call it control.
You envy people who don’t think so much. That’s the first honest line in your essay. Because deep down, you know they’re living and you’re not.
You dissect your joy, dissect your sadness, narrate your change like it’s a TED Talk.
You don’t want presence. You want witnessed presence.
You don’t want to heal. You want to be seen healing.
Because maybe if you perform it well enough, no one will leave.
Or better—maybe you can leave them first, before they figure out you’re not whole.
Let’s stop pretending this is about awareness.
You want power.
The power to explain your patterns so no one can use them against you.
The power to out-think heartbreak.
The power to never again be caught off guard.
And because you can name things—“attachment,” “inner child,” “pattern recognition”—you think you’ve won. But that’s not insight.
That’s intellectual armor worn by someone who’s still bleeding beneath it.
You ask: “What’s the alternative?”
Here’s one:
Stop curating your self-awareness like it’s a brand.
Stop analyzing as a substitute for risk.
Let yourself look foolish. Be rejected. Cry without knowing the neurobiology of it.
Let someone love you in a way that doesn't make sense.
Be messy without narrating it.
Be seen without explaining it.
Because right now? You’re not living in awareness.
You’re surviving in performance.
And survival isn’t the same as truth.
The scariest thing you could ever do—the thing that might actually save you—is to stop trying to be understood.
And just live a moment that doesn’t need to be explained at all.
I feel like lately I have been reading about many people that are finally distancing themselves from the “post” culture. I believe everything said in this piece is so correct and I have been living like this myself, stuck in a self awareness journey that is leading nowhere. Though, change is in the air. More and more people are using socia media differently…hopefully soon we ll all be able to connect more profoundly, with ourselves and with each other.
What a gem of a piece. I seldom comment on the social media of strangers but I felt compelled to because of the complete honesty and accuracy of this piece. It felt as if I was reading thoughts I’ve been thinking for years but never really had the words to articulate them. I think so many of us crave the feeling of being explainable, digestible, understandable and so we minimize the complexity of our experience in order to be easier to comprehend to ourselves and to others. There’s such value in being okay with the uncertainty and the nuance. We don’t need to be able to explain everything
this is so beautifully stated
I love these reflections. I think we often define self-awareness as a narrative, but then we become attached to the narrative and identify with it, so nothing changes. Real self-awareness may be to know that the narrative is just another layer full of distractions and defences, and that we don't always fully know what lies behind. It's hard to let go and accept not knowing when you identify as someone self-aware, but I think it's necessary, and often more true than holding on to all our explanations.
when no one understands you because you hyper-understand yourself feels like being trapped in clear box and watching your closest friends standing outside. then you realize, the box only exists in your head
This feels like the fancy way of me trying to explain to my husband that I'd quite like to dye my hair, but I'm 'not a person who dyes their hair', so what does that mean? And him just going 'I think it means you'd like to dye your hair'. I used to think him a touch on the vacant side but these days I'm very jealous and he's basically a guru to me.
LJ this is funny. Thanks. I can relate.
So powerful this piece. Thank you...
"you become a character in your own story, and not always in the empowering, main-character-energy way. sometimes, you become your own surveillance system. tracking your motives. observing your micro-triggers. scanning for dysfunction. and the irony is: the more you analyze yourself, the harder it becomes to feel like a person."
This!!
i actually went to therapy because of that (kinda). because of being too self-aware and reflective. i remember my therapist saying ,,eeske, your only problem is being self-aware, too reflective. while you understand yourself, you also understand others and validate that they hurt you because you understand them. sometimes people hurt you and you shouldn‘t validate. they hurt you. end of the story. now be angry. sad. anything. just don‘t say ,,its okay, i understand why they did it“
‘eeske, your only problem is being self-aware, too reflective. while you understand yourself, you also understand others and validate that they hurt you because you understand them. sometimes people hurt you and you shouldn‘t validate. they hurt you. end of the story. now be angry. sad. anything. just don‘t say ,,its okay, i understand why they did it“ ……. This really resonated with me thanks 🌸
Wow it’s amazing how your pieces put into words how i feel. Just last night after a therapy session i had a midnight breakdown - i couldn’t trust my instincts anymore. i know how to label the reason why my response is on the back of a “trigger” or “trauma” and what the “right” response should have been. But that is the way i am and now i feel like I’m just not good enough. Thanks for writing this, makes me feel like I’m not alone!
Everything is commodified. We do it to ourselves; turning ourselves in to a product that’s marketable and hopefully lucrative. I sometimes wonder if people would know how to spend their day if money wasn’t an object. If we all stepped off the grind, there was no need for “hustle” or entrepreneurship. Do people even know what they like anymore?
Wow, thank you for this, it really made a whole lot of sense to me. I’ve been on a journey of self awareness now for 2-3 years and have lost myself! This spoke my language and told me some truths that have actually become my life but I wasn’t aware. So much for self awareness! 🤪😂. I think that I will just be me, not analyse everything because of what I have learned. It was helpful but I have lost myself and the joy of living. Maybe it’s time to put that learning in a box and just live my life. Thank you for this, it may just be the answer I’ve been looking for. 😊
Like standing between two mirrors wondering, which one of you is going to speak first, this author and I.
I often compare myself now to how I was when I was much younger & realise I now live with a lot of restraint. But maybe there’s a freedom to youth, because we don’t know any better. I can’t speak for everyone, but I think we live in a society that’s made us afraid: afraid of getting it ‘wrong,’ of offending someone, of being cancelled. While I think self awareness it’s important and valued, it does carry a burden that you alluded to. I also think that’s just part of everything in life — the two sides of every coin. It takes a very deep thinker to write what you did. Thanks for always sharing your perspective — and for giving me something to ponder 🤔
Let me start with a picture.
A boy was once abandoned—maybe his friend left the city, stopped calling. It hurt. His limbic brain screamed, but he didn’t want to sit with that pain. So his rational brain stepped in and did what humans always do: justified it.
He told himself: “Friendship is overrated.”
And maybe, in some ways, he was right. But here’s what happened next.
He isolated himself. Because if people can’t leave, they can’t hurt you.
He called it “independence.”
He became more inward, more calculating, more precise.
He stopped going out, stopped trusting, stopped risking.
His loneliness grew like mold. To cope, he got addicted—to screens, to self-analysis, to thoughts, to power.
His prefrontal cortex shrunk. His emotional range dulled.
He didn’t notice.
Because his half-baked self-awareness kept whispering,
> “I’m just self-protecting.”
“I’m just introverted.”
“People don’t get me.”
“I’m healing.”
But really?
He was scared shitless—
Scared of rejection, scared of being unloved, scared of being seen in his rawness.
So he became smart instead. Smart enough to predict pain. Smart enough to fake detachment.
And now, he thinks he understands himself.
That’s you.
You’re not self-aware. You’re self-monitoring.
You’re not detached. You’re controlled.
You didn’t transcend the ego. You taught it how to talk in wellness-speak.
You say people overuse therapy terms, that they narrate instead of heal.
And yet what is this essay if not a narration? A performance? A perfect, melancholic loop of poetic detachment?
You wear insight like an outfit. Not as armor—no, you’re past that stage. Now it's couture. Elegant, flowing. But still armor. Still defense.
You claim you’re “ten steps ahead of your emotions,”
but being ten steps ahead isn’t wisdom—it’s fear.
It’s what you do when you think if I understand every feeling, maybe I won’t have to feel it.
You call it observation.
I call it control.
You envy people who don’t think so much. That’s the first honest line in your essay. Because deep down, you know they’re living and you’re not.
You dissect your joy, dissect your sadness, narrate your change like it’s a TED Talk.
You don’t want presence. You want witnessed presence.
You don’t want to heal. You want to be seen healing.
Because maybe if you perform it well enough, no one will leave.
Or better—maybe you can leave them first, before they figure out you’re not whole.
Let’s stop pretending this is about awareness.
You want power.
The power to explain your patterns so no one can use them against you.
The power to out-think heartbreak.
The power to never again be caught off guard.
And because you can name things—“attachment,” “inner child,” “pattern recognition”—you think you’ve won. But that’s not insight.
That’s intellectual armor worn by someone who’s still bleeding beneath it.
You ask: “What’s the alternative?”
Here’s one:
Stop curating your self-awareness like it’s a brand.
Stop analyzing as a substitute for risk.
Let yourself look foolish. Be rejected. Cry without knowing the neurobiology of it.
Let someone love you in a way that doesn't make sense.
Be messy without narrating it.
Be seen without explaining it.
Because right now? You’re not living in awareness.
You’re surviving in performance.
And survival isn’t the same as truth.
The scariest thing you could ever do—the thing that might actually save you—is to stop trying to be understood.
And just live a moment that doesn’t need to be explained at all.
hi i love you pls get out of my brain thanks <3
This resonated deeply. Paradox and life what a ride
THIS IS SO GOOD, insightful, and alive! Thank you!!
I feel like lately I have been reading about many people that are finally distancing themselves from the “post” culture. I believe everything said in this piece is so correct and I have been living like this myself, stuck in a self awareness journey that is leading nowhere. Though, change is in the air. More and more people are using socia media differently…hopefully soon we ll all be able to connect more profoundly, with ourselves and with each other.