as a licensed therapist who meets with people one-on-one and posts therapy related content online, this is GOLD. more and more i sit with clients who are articulate in self-help language but struggle to integrate it.
because it’s experience that actually changes us, not merely information. And we’re scrolling from info to info, without taking the time to let any of it actually seep in. our brains weren’t made for that.
if you see a good post that resonates with you, don’t just save it. text it to a friend and say “hey i wanna talk about this.” and get on the phone and have a real convo about it. the experiences like that (and therapy 😏) is what will change us over time.
There is so much truth in this. I don't think we can truly heal or do the real work online; it's too public. It goes against our survival instinct to be truly honest about our ugly, shameful, complicated parts in a space where we're exposed to the eyes of countless (often very judgmental) strangers. That's okay, we just need to remember that social media is entertainment and life is what happens when we put down the phone.
Hello. I am new to this platform and looking for depth with less performance, working on my writing while writing a book for Routledge for people supporting others in healing and growth. What you name is very real!!!! THANK YOU for saying it. I've been watching this phenomenon and thinking hmmmm....this is not what I see when people shift or transform. It's also not my experience working through loss, grief, or setbacks. Healing and integration is a process that takes time and energy. And, it can start with recognition - words resonating with our truth - like yours have with me this morning. The question may be, and now what....? thank you for sharing.
as a person who chronically online, i can say this is fully true and i agree one hundred percent. Sometimes, while you just scroll from one video to other video, that serves us an information about mental health, and suddenly it becomes "this is me.. " like every videos that appears feels same, at the end we just ended up with confused. Is this the real situations of me or just my feelings?
What I have also noticed in this regard is that sometimes we end up agreeing to the information and attaching it to ourselves even when we don't experience it, and in the back of our minds we know that we don't and yet a voice says "this is so me" and we move on with a new addition to the "this is me" criteria in our minds
This was powerful to read and I imagine it was vulnerable to write. So many truths, and clear perspective on the journey of healing. Reached me at just the right moment, thank you 💙
Commenting here too because this is so important. That healing is not surface cosmetic work, it is also not (only) a mental process, but embodied. It is not a linear story nor one we can push our way through, it’s the inner work, inner shifts that makes the difference, not all at once but when suddenly you notice that you went to a social event and did not spend hours (days, weeks) replaying everything in your head, worrying you were too much, too stupid, too annoying. It’s being able to give negative feedback, feeling still kind, and that you did it well.
Healing isn’t glamorous when you are sitting with your worries to process them, teaching your brain that you can let go of (some of) it. It’s not insta-worthy when it looks like nothing is happening but the shifts within are so huge it’s like a wide door opened in your heart and soul.
Im radical: I think that social media healing is harmful..something growth and personal related and silent, should have time to build-in, but on feed something similar is happening, like fast weekend retreats, lectures, workshops
and you are enlightened...
I mean the information is amazing that it is widespread, but those should land in the therapists feed and have time to integrate...but this hustle culture social media is selling you that if you know and maybe worked on yourself, you are healed...and those healed people are selling 2day magic retreats, because they are experts now....vicious cicle.
While the healing needs the information first, then silent integration, then test it lots of times in order to make it to your worldview...the healing needs patience and time..and at the end of this you realize you don't need healing, you were healed and whole from the beginning..you just need to talk through the bullshit with someone who knows how to get out the maze..or be silent, drop your phone for a weekend and just listen to yourself...both require couragement..
This is good piece of Writing... But thearpy isnt affordable for all.. But i kinda get what u ment... Also speaking from Experience of not having any money or people to help or listen to me.. So i write sometimes...but to be fare... Some quotes do help..
your posts are what i envisioned reading when i first joined the platform. it's like they are made for me. i love the way you put it simple here no fancy words. they are dense but placed in a plain manner. reading through this made me feel some resonance, at some points i wanted to cry and most of the time i was just amazed buy your literary skill. you are my mentor in this platform. thank you.
There’s a subtle collapse happening in our culture: the more fluent we become in emotional language, the easier it is to confuse insight with integration.
Reading this, I kept seeing how the Enlightenment’s overcorrection — valuing reason over mystery — mirrors what we’re now doing with therapy speak. We’ve traded the rigidity of religious dogma for the polished vocabulary of trauma, nervous systems, and attachment theory. But instead of anchoring us in the body, much of it pulls us further into performance. Emotional literacy becomes a currency, but not a compass.
I wrote a response that explores this exact gap — what happens when healing is shaped for visibility, how language begins to replace presence, and why real transformation doesn’t announce itself in coherent soundbites.
Thank you for naming the pattern. This conversation is overdue, and the questions you’re raising are right on time.
as a licensed therapist who meets with people one-on-one and posts therapy related content online, this is GOLD. more and more i sit with clients who are articulate in self-help language but struggle to integrate it.
because it’s experience that actually changes us, not merely information. And we’re scrolling from info to info, without taking the time to let any of it actually seep in. our brains weren’t made for that.
if you see a good post that resonates with you, don’t just save it. text it to a friend and say “hey i wanna talk about this.” and get on the phone and have a real convo about it. the experiences like that (and therapy 😏) is what will change us over time.
beautiful article!!
I love this because you ate right, dont just save it, send it to someone and talk about it. Be in a conversation - love!
Love, love, love this article. I connect deeply reading this.
There is so much truth in this. I don't think we can truly heal or do the real work online; it's too public. It goes against our survival instinct to be truly honest about our ugly, shameful, complicated parts in a space where we're exposed to the eyes of countless (often very judgmental) strangers. That's okay, we just need to remember that social media is entertainment and life is what happens when we put down the phone.
Hello. I am new to this platform and looking for depth with less performance, working on my writing while writing a book for Routledge for people supporting others in healing and growth. What you name is very real!!!! THANK YOU for saying it. I've been watching this phenomenon and thinking hmmmm....this is not what I see when people shift or transform. It's also not my experience working through loss, grief, or setbacks. Healing and integration is a process that takes time and energy. And, it can start with recognition - words resonating with our truth - like yours have with me this morning. The question may be, and now what....? thank you for sharing.
Wow! This is exactly what I’ve been feeling about the spiritual healers out there teaching but not feeling - including me
as a person who chronically online, i can say this is fully true and i agree one hundred percent. Sometimes, while you just scroll from one video to other video, that serves us an information about mental health, and suddenly it becomes "this is me.. " like every videos that appears feels same, at the end we just ended up with confused. Is this the real situations of me or just my feelings?
What I have also noticed in this regard is that sometimes we end up agreeing to the information and attaching it to ourselves even when we don't experience it, and in the back of our minds we know that we don't and yet a voice says "this is so me" and we move on with a new addition to the "this is me" criteria in our minds
I AGREEEE😭☝☝☝☝☝
This was powerful to read and I imagine it was vulnerable to write. So many truths, and clear perspective on the journey of healing. Reached me at just the right moment, thank you 💙
Omg! Thank you for describing what I have been experiencing for a very long time!
Commenting here too because this is so important. That healing is not surface cosmetic work, it is also not (only) a mental process, but embodied. It is not a linear story nor one we can push our way through, it’s the inner work, inner shifts that makes the difference, not all at once but when suddenly you notice that you went to a social event and did not spend hours (days, weeks) replaying everything in your head, worrying you were too much, too stupid, too annoying. It’s being able to give negative feedback, feeling still kind, and that you did it well.
Healing isn’t glamorous when you are sitting with your worries to process them, teaching your brain that you can let go of (some of) it. It’s not insta-worthy when it looks like nothing is happening but the shifts within are so huge it’s like a wide door opened in your heart and soul.
Anyways, thank you.
Im radical: I think that social media healing is harmful..something growth and personal related and silent, should have time to build-in, but on feed something similar is happening, like fast weekend retreats, lectures, workshops
and you are enlightened...
I mean the information is amazing that it is widespread, but those should land in the therapists feed and have time to integrate...but this hustle culture social media is selling you that if you know and maybe worked on yourself, you are healed...and those healed people are selling 2day magic retreats, because they are experts now....vicious cicle.
While the healing needs the information first, then silent integration, then test it lots of times in order to make it to your worldview...the healing needs patience and time..and at the end of this you realize you don't need healing, you were healed and whole from the beginning..you just need to talk through the bullshit with someone who knows how to get out the maze..or be silent, drop your phone for a weekend and just listen to yourself...both require couragement..
Thank you for the thought provoking essay! :)
Yeah....just yeah....
Snaps to all of this.
This is good piece of Writing... But thearpy isnt affordable for all.. But i kinda get what u ment... Also speaking from Experience of not having any money or people to help or listen to me.. So i write sometimes...but to be fare... Some quotes do help..
your posts are what i envisioned reading when i first joined the platform. it's like they are made for me. i love the way you put it simple here no fancy words. they are dense but placed in a plain manner. reading through this made me feel some resonance, at some points i wanted to cry and most of the time i was just amazed buy your literary skill. you are my mentor in this platform. thank you.
There’s a subtle collapse happening in our culture: the more fluent we become in emotional language, the easier it is to confuse insight with integration.
Reading this, I kept seeing how the Enlightenment’s overcorrection — valuing reason over mystery — mirrors what we’re now doing with therapy speak. We’ve traded the rigidity of religious dogma for the polished vocabulary of trauma, nervous systems, and attachment theory. But instead of anchoring us in the body, much of it pulls us further into performance. Emotional literacy becomes a currency, but not a compass.
I wrote a response that explores this exact gap — what happens when healing is shaped for visibility, how language begins to replace presence, and why real transformation doesn’t announce itself in coherent soundbites.
Thank you for naming the pattern. This conversation is overdue, and the questions you’re raising are right on time.
Wow this is wonderful and so beautifully raw