this was posted at the perfect time! as a university student close to finishing my four-year degree, i've started to feel lost about my vision for my future. i hope i can implement some of these practices into my daily life to help me find my way
as a fellow post grad student, i feel you. the fact that im not going back to being a fulltime student later this year is exhilarating yet terrifying. i hope you’re able to find the things that give you comfort and strength ❤️
Me too! it is so scary out there. But learning we are not alone and that this is almost a given experience is so reassuring. I’m so excited to start paying more attention and learn about myself, the one who comes out when no one is watching. ⭐️
That can look like wanting that degree, to then wanting that job, realizing that job SUCKS and wanting a different job(rinse and repeat), to fighting for success only to realize that the success wasn’t all that you wanted … but that success (while unfulfilling) also provided for family and communities across the years … maybe that was the point?
In personal life … that can look like looking for someone to date … and then marry… and then making space for a child, and struggling until a family comes about and then being preoccupied with caring for your parents and being overwhelmed, and then losing your parents and feeling adrift, wondering why you wanted those kids when then are teenagers and trying to figure out how to even make it through. But then you do … and you are left missing those who left you.
Finally, there are multiple causes and values that I was so convinced of decades ago, values that I sacrificed and fought for (genuinely seeking the good of my community). These causes energized and motivated me and led to deep sacrifices, and now they are not a part of my life at all. I wonder … was it worth it? Was I too arrogant in my confidence that I was right? Is the change the result of the humility of aging? Or am I just tired?
All that to say, I’d encourage those in their earlier years to approach life with the recognition… that what you want from life today will likely not be the same thing in 3-5 years… and that’s okay.
Thought provoking, I deeply appreciate you taking the time to answer this. I mean I hoped you would reply but frankly I never imagined something this insightful being the product :) thank you for sharing some of the hard truths that can often only be grasped with time, so that some of us may benefit and perhaps be just a little bit wiser (not vs you, but vs other versions of ourselves) while making our path through this wild life.
I know it's no small feat but I hope that in time, you reach a point where you are no longer as burnt out from the effort and sacrifices you've made so far. thank you, again, on behalf of the people who benefit greatly from the kind of spirit you have.
also, when you say "what do I envy about others and what does that envy teach me?" — I keep a note in my phone called "love that for you, want that for me". I can't take credit for the idea, but basically everytime I see something I get jealous or envious of, I put it in my phone and then reflect on it later, and work out how to pursue it myself. It helps with impostor syndrome/handling comparison!
Writing them down is a really good idea. One thing I’ve noticed in my life is that I slowly become the people or adopt the traits I used to look up to. It’s not like envy. Even as a kid, I’d see someone do something and think, “That’s cool.” It wasn’t like a goal or anything, I just thought it was cool.
And now, when I look at my life, I can see those patterns—pieces of the people I admired showing up in me.
Just a small note: be careful what you wish for. I used to envy people who could fall asleep anytime, anywhere. Now I’m one of them—and honestly, it sucks. It didn’t turn out to be a superpower; it just drains me :,)
Life is a mystery, it really is. I don’t understand how it works, but somehow, it makes you realize that your feelings are involved in shaping your life, The life.
Oh, how touched I have felt by the first sentences of this post. By all of it, in all honesty. I have been there, still am, I suspect I will always be in a way waiting for the feeling of "This is it, I feel full now". Spoiler: It won't happen, and I know it, yet I still leave a tiny bit of my mind to hope for it. One never learns. Even when doing the first of your suggestions, identifying what makes me loose track of time, I always wonder if my mind is betraying me, if that is -really- it, or if I have let myself be fooled by what people expect of me. It is hard to explain. However, I will try again, I will try every single one of the ideas you give here. I felt the urge to copy them by hand as I was reading them because they felt so inspiring and powerful that I wanted integrate them into my system. Thank you so much for sharing, as always.
I relate to you saying that you suspect you’ll always be waiting and hoping for that full feeling, knowing that it won’t happen. I too feel unable to believe my brain. “Do I really think that or believe that”
Yes to all of this! figuring out who you are is a slow intentional process and is a sacred beauty to life we tend to overlook when we are constantly comparing ourselves to others online. I’m really looking forward to journaling about those long form questions you stated. Thank you for this!
"The right life often grows side ways!" YES. I used to think I really wanted to do legal research or jurisprudence—it was a shiny, safe choice I knew my parents would approve of (first-generation student here). And one day, I picked up a book, learnt about incel culture and online communities....and now in September I'll begin a master's degree where my research will focus on how social media trends influence the adoption of conservative beliefs in Gen Z. If I hadn't read or bought this book, which I did as a treat to myself despite the amount of homework I should have done instead, I wouldn't be where I am today ✨ it's m surprising how things work out sometimes!
this is so good!!! i thought i'd open this post and it would be like "1. journal" but this is all so true and helpful. listening to my intuition even when it's weirdly specific is almost always the most helpful thing! and the image of a side-door is so real, i feel like building my ideal life involves a lot of side-stepping into opportunities - which seems to confuse other people who think that the way forward is to plan ahead
Wow, this post is brilliant. Any time I create my vision board and list all the things I want to experience in life I ask myself: Are they really MY dreams and wishes? Often times I discover It's just something I think I should wish for myself - a proffitable side hustle, nomading the world... I love your aproach of slow indirect and intristic discovery. Definitely gonna try it!
I used to feel exactly this about vision boards, it felt a performative act of curating beautiful images of the things I thought I should want. And then I read about curating vision boards with words and images that suggest the way you want to feel about your life, rather than how you want your life to look, in my case it was a life with a little more connection, more smiling, a sense of stepping out of the shadows into the sunlight, and I started looking at them seasonally rather than yearly, as my feelings and the way I want to feel change through the year. Wishing you lots of slow, curious discovery.
I loved this before I even finished the first paragraph. This spoke to me! As someone who has been trying to chase their “calling” and believe that when I get to X I’ll have it all figured out and complete, so much of this landed. Thank you ❤️
Wandering my city (Brooklyn) with no agenda often times is my favorite kind of days. Thank you for this piece, it felt like a hug and came at a time that feels very relatable right now. Even reading these other comments made me feel less alone in this journey!
this was posted at the perfect time! as a university student close to finishing my four-year degree, i've started to feel lost about my vision for my future. i hope i can implement some of these practices into my daily life to help me find my way
as a fellow post grad student, i feel you. the fact that im not going back to being a fulltime student later this year is exhilarating yet terrifying. i hope you’re able to find the things that give you comfort and strength ❤️
thank you! the same to you also 💕
Me too! it is so scary out there. But learning we are not alone and that this is almost a given experience is so reassuring. I’m so excited to start paying more attention and learn about myself, the one who comes out when no one is watching. ⭐️
i agree and i'm just commenting cos i'm so happy to see another "shameela" hahaah very rarely do i find someone else with the same name!
how nice! and same, i don't often meet people with our name but its a good feeling when i do!
I totally AGREEEE 👍👍👍
Such a lovely post … looking back across the decades, it’s surprising how often “what you want from life” changes.
Would you be open to elaborating on what this comment means for you, personally? What sort of general priority changes, if any, you've
identified in yourself over time?
We change and evolve through the years.
That can look like wanting that degree, to then wanting that job, realizing that job SUCKS and wanting a different job(rinse and repeat), to fighting for success only to realize that the success wasn’t all that you wanted … but that success (while unfulfilling) also provided for family and communities across the years … maybe that was the point?
In personal life … that can look like looking for someone to date … and then marry… and then making space for a child, and struggling until a family comes about and then being preoccupied with caring for your parents and being overwhelmed, and then losing your parents and feeling adrift, wondering why you wanted those kids when then are teenagers and trying to figure out how to even make it through. But then you do … and you are left missing those who left you.
Finally, there are multiple causes and values that I was so convinced of decades ago, values that I sacrificed and fought for (genuinely seeking the good of my community). These causes energized and motivated me and led to deep sacrifices, and now they are not a part of my life at all. I wonder … was it worth it? Was I too arrogant in my confidence that I was right? Is the change the result of the humility of aging? Or am I just tired?
All that to say, I’d encourage those in their earlier years to approach life with the recognition… that what you want from life today will likely not be the same thing in 3-5 years… and that’s okay.
Thought provoking, I deeply appreciate you taking the time to answer this. I mean I hoped you would reply but frankly I never imagined something this insightful being the product :) thank you for sharing some of the hard truths that can often only be grasped with time, so that some of us may benefit and perhaps be just a little bit wiser (not vs you, but vs other versions of ourselves) while making our path through this wild life.
I know it's no small feat but I hope that in time, you reach a point where you are no longer as burnt out from the effort and sacrifices you've made so far. thank you, again, on behalf of the people who benefit greatly from the kind of spirit you have.
also, when you say "what do I envy about others and what does that envy teach me?" — I keep a note in my phone called "love that for you, want that for me". I can't take credit for the idea, but basically everytime I see something I get jealous or envious of, I put it in my phone and then reflect on it later, and work out how to pursue it myself. It helps with impostor syndrome/handling comparison!
Writing them down is a really good idea. One thing I’ve noticed in my life is that I slowly become the people or adopt the traits I used to look up to. It’s not like envy. Even as a kid, I’d see someone do something and think, “That’s cool.” It wasn’t like a goal or anything, I just thought it was cool.
And now, when I look at my life, I can see those patterns—pieces of the people I admired showing up in me.
Just a small note: be careful what you wish for. I used to envy people who could fall asleep anytime, anywhere. Now I’m one of them—and honestly, it sucks. It didn’t turn out to be a superpower; it just drains me :,)
Life is a mystery, it really is. I don’t understand how it works, but somehow, it makes you realize that your feelings are involved in shaping your life, The life.
Oh, how touched I have felt by the first sentences of this post. By all of it, in all honesty. I have been there, still am, I suspect I will always be in a way waiting for the feeling of "This is it, I feel full now". Spoiler: It won't happen, and I know it, yet I still leave a tiny bit of my mind to hope for it. One never learns. Even when doing the first of your suggestions, identifying what makes me loose track of time, I always wonder if my mind is betraying me, if that is -really- it, or if I have let myself be fooled by what people expect of me. It is hard to explain. However, I will try again, I will try every single one of the ideas you give here. I felt the urge to copy them by hand as I was reading them because they felt so inspiring and powerful that I wanted integrate them into my system. Thank you so much for sharing, as always.
I relate to you saying that you suspect you’ll always be waiting and hoping for that full feeling, knowing that it won’t happen. I too feel unable to believe my brain. “Do I really think that or believe that”
Yes to all of this! figuring out who you are is a slow intentional process and is a sacred beauty to life we tend to overlook when we are constantly comparing ourselves to others online. I’m really looking forward to journaling about those long form questions you stated. Thank you for this!
"The right life often grows side ways!" YES. I used to think I really wanted to do legal research or jurisprudence—it was a shiny, safe choice I knew my parents would approve of (first-generation student here). And one day, I picked up a book, learnt about incel culture and online communities....and now in September I'll begin a master's degree where my research will focus on how social media trends influence the adoption of conservative beliefs in Gen Z. If I hadn't read or bought this book, which I did as a treat to myself despite the amount of homework I should have done instead, I wouldn't be where I am today ✨ it's m surprising how things work out sometimes!
this is so good!!! i thought i'd open this post and it would be like "1. journal" but this is all so true and helpful. listening to my intuition even when it's weirdly specific is almost always the most helpful thing! and the image of a side-door is so real, i feel like building my ideal life involves a lot of side-stepping into opportunities - which seems to confuse other people who think that the way forward is to plan ahead
Wow, this post is brilliant. Any time I create my vision board and list all the things I want to experience in life I ask myself: Are they really MY dreams and wishes? Often times I discover It's just something I think I should wish for myself - a proffitable side hustle, nomading the world... I love your aproach of slow indirect and intristic discovery. Definitely gonna try it!
I used to feel exactly this about vision boards, it felt a performative act of curating beautiful images of the things I thought I should want. And then I read about curating vision boards with words and images that suggest the way you want to feel about your life, rather than how you want your life to look, in my case it was a life with a little more connection, more smiling, a sense of stepping out of the shadows into the sunlight, and I started looking at them seasonally rather than yearly, as my feelings and the way I want to feel change through the year. Wishing you lots of slow, curious discovery.
I loved this before I even finished the first paragraph. This spoke to me! As someone who has been trying to chase their “calling” and believe that when I get to X I’ll have it all figured out and complete, so much of this landed. Thank you ❤️
Clarity comes from doing, not waiting. I've read many things today but this one, it felt like a mother's hug❤️
Thank you for a beautifully written essay. It has relaxed my brain.
Wandering my city (Brooklyn) with no agenda often times is my favorite kind of days. Thank you for this piece, it felt like a hug and came at a time that feels very relatable right now. Even reading these other comments made me feel less alone in this journey!
loved this read so much ♥️
What kind of life do I want, if I do didn’t have to explain it to anyone….wooooo! I love that question! Thank you
god, i love you.
Sheer poetry.