most advice is useless

every time i hear someone say just believe in yourself, i feel an existential crisis coming on. because what does that even mean? believe in what exactly? that i’ll magically figure it out? that everything will work out because i want it to? life is not a disney movie, and i am not a main character with an orchestral score playing in the background as i march toward my destiny. but we eat this kind of advice up like it’s gospel. maybe because we like the idea that there’s a shortcut to life, that if we follow a neat little formula, we’ll unlock all the success, happiness, and self-actualization we’ve ever dreamed of. but most advice? it’s just people projecting their own experiences onto you, handing out wisdom like it’s a one-size-fits-all sweater when, really, it’s more like an ill-fitting jacket that only worked for them because it was tailored to their life.

universal wisdom might be illusionary

you know what the most annoying piece of advice is? follow your passion. it sounds nice, sure, but also, have you seen rent prices? passion doesn’t cover utilities. passion doesn’t come with a retirement plan. passion, alone, is a rich person’s strategy. there’s also twitter’s favourite work hard and you’ll succeed. adorable sentiment, really. except i know people who work 14-hour days and still struggle, while some guy with a trust fund and a half-baked idea just sold his company for millions. effort matters, but let’s not pretend success is purely a meritocracy. i could possible rant a little longer on never give up. sometimes giving up is the smartest thing you can do. sometimes quitting is an art form. sometimes, you should absolutely put the pen down, step away, and never look back. but people don’t like to hear that, because we’ve collectively agreed that grit is the sexiest trait a person can have.

advice is just someone else’s personal diary entry

most people don’t give advice. they just share their own life story and call it wisdom. if someone tells you to take risks, it’s probably because they took one and it worked out. if someone tells you to prioritize stability, it’s probably because they gambled and lost. we don’t actually offer guidance—we offer justifications for our own decisions. that’s why successful people give wildly contradictory advice. some say say yes to everything, others swear by learn to say no. some say move fast and break things, others say slow and steady wins the race. if there was a real formula for life, we’d all have the same one.

we don’t want advice, we want validation

be honest. when was the last time you actually took advice you didn’t already agree with? most of the time, we don’t want guidance—we want someone to confirm that we’re already making the right decision. if you’re thinking about quitting your job, you’ll find advice about choosing happiness over a paycheck. if you’re scared to leave, you’ll find advice about sticking it out and learning discipline. we pick the narrative that makes us feel better, not necessarily the one that’s right. but the best advice? the really valuable kind? it’s usually something we don’t want to hear. it’s the thing that forces us to confront our own ego, fears, and delusions. and let’s be real, who voluntarily signs up for that?

so what actually works?

since most advice is useless, what do you do instead? how do you figure life out without clinging to every mediocre self-help book and twitter thread?

• notice patterns, not just people. one person’s story is an anecdote. a hundred people’s stories? that’s a trend. if the majority of successful people say luck played a role in their journey, maybe luck matters more than we want to admit.

• context matters. wake up at 5 am and work out sounds great until you realize it was said by a guy with no kids, no commute, and a live-in chef. if someone’s advice doesn’t fit your life, throw it out.

• trial and error is everything. the fastest way to learn what works? try, fail, adjust, repeat. no amount of advice can replace actual experience.

• self-awareness is the only real superpower. the more you understand yourself—your tendencies, strengths, and blind spots—the less you need anyone else’s wisdom. because the truth is, no one actually knows what’s best for you. not even the experts.

at some point, you have to stop treating life like an instruction manual. stop looking for the perfect answer. stop thinking someone else has it all figured out. no one does. everyone is just guessing, hoping, experimenting. so trust yourself a little more. take the advice that resonates, leave the rest, and remember—most people are just winging it. including the ones writing the advice columns.