what do you do after you've recognized you're performing happiness? i'm on a journey to become more authentic with myself but i always find myself slipping back into that performance. i'd love to hear your thoughts, if you have any :)
Hi May. Your honesty here touched me. Noticing when you’re performing happiness is already a huge step, and it makes total sense that old habits still slip in. They were there for a reason. Becoming more authentic is a gradual undoing, not a switch you flip. Your willingness to name it and stay curious shows you’re already on the path.
this is such a good read. lately, i’ve been battling with performative happiness/peace. like am i really happy or at peace or i just want others to see that i am. that i feel like it’s not real when i don’t get validation on social media. that’s why i do things more in private now. i just post whenever i like but not everything i do.
You write so beautifully. But what strikes me time and again is that it’s as if you’ve cracked my heart open and spun all the magic from the mess. Thank you for making me feel like I’m actually not alone 🤍
This is exactly what I used to feel when I got into posting aesthetic pictures of me with my books on Instagram three years ago. More than enjoying the creative process I dreaded the time when I had to arrange things properly, prop myself up for the situation, and pose for the camera. And I just couldn't get myself doing it for a longer period of time. I was exhausted with the fakeness. But I admire the creative people who can juggle every aspect of marketing and branding and still live a life that's a hundred percent original. What I've found is that once you understand that most of the beautifully clicked pictures are not what they seem to be, and that its a part of the job, things starts getting pretty easy to cope with. You understand what's staged and what's real.
I never performed my empathy. No one was on my empathy literacy level as a small child. Children are born potent with empathy. No matter how broken they are. Empathy translates to Ubuntu in Bantu and Xhosa and it makes so much sense on a cultural level. Capitalism aka Wetiko in Turtle Island aka "America" is called psychosis essentially. Eurasia is a hot bed of intensely intentional incest and we can address that by now considering you're describing what is pathologised as borderline personality disorder
I love this. I also appreciate the fact that sometimes, we do need to perform happiness, in the most main character-on-camera type of way, in order to feel it :)
This was a great read! I definitely feel this very strongly at work, and like you said showing vulnerability at work can be quite risky. It’s certainly hard to not feel burnt out and exhausted when I’m performing happiness at work, especially as I’m more introverted by nature… And it’s so true - it is very much the small things, that don’t necessarily make the highlight reel, which make us feel so real and happy!
exactly what i needed to read as someone who tends to perform for the non-existent invisible, yet all-seeing camera. sometimes it's hard to step off the tightrope, but once you do, there's peace on two feet.
This is a great essay! I think we perform (be it happiness or other emotions) because we, as society, have completely failed to accept and normalize other types of emotions (like sadness or frustration).
We all feel those, though. But we often don’t feel safe to express those so we just put a “happy mask” and carry on.
The world would be a better place if we could all just be who we truly are at all stages of emotion without permanently needing to scan the room to do so. Having to put those masks constantly is simply draining.
This was a great essay that sparked great reflexions!
This really flips the script—so often we chase happiness as a destination, when the real skill is recognizing it in the moment. Learning to spot when you’re already performing happiness is like discovering a hidden superpower: it turns everyday life into a series of joyful wins, not just milestones to wait for.
what do you do after you've recognized you're performing happiness? i'm on a journey to become more authentic with myself but i always find myself slipping back into that performance. i'd love to hear your thoughts, if you have any :)
Hi May. Your honesty here touched me. Noticing when you’re performing happiness is already a huge step, and it makes total sense that old habits still slip in. They were there for a reason. Becoming more authentic is a gradual undoing, not a switch you flip. Your willingness to name it and stay curious shows you’re already on the path.
this is such a good read. lately, i’ve been battling with performative happiness/peace. like am i really happy or at peace or i just want others to see that i am. that i feel like it’s not real when i don’t get validation on social media. that’s why i do things more in private now. i just post whenever i like but not everything i do.
This made me tear up in the good way. I’ve been learning that the smallest things — a scent, a song, a stray photo — carry the loudest love.
You write so beautifully. But what strikes me time and again is that it’s as if you’ve cracked my heart open and spun all the magic from the mess. Thank you for making me feel like I’m actually not alone 🤍
This is exactly what I used to feel when I got into posting aesthetic pictures of me with my books on Instagram three years ago. More than enjoying the creative process I dreaded the time when I had to arrange things properly, prop myself up for the situation, and pose for the camera. And I just couldn't get myself doing it for a longer period of time. I was exhausted with the fakeness. But I admire the creative people who can juggle every aspect of marketing and branding and still live a life that's a hundred percent original. What I've found is that once you understand that most of the beautifully clicked pictures are not what they seem to be, and that its a part of the job, things starts getting pretty easy to cope with. You understand what's staged and what's real.
I never performed my empathy. No one was on my empathy literacy level as a small child. Children are born potent with empathy. No matter how broken they are. Empathy translates to Ubuntu in Bantu and Xhosa and it makes so much sense on a cultural level. Capitalism aka Wetiko in Turtle Island aka "America" is called psychosis essentially. Eurasia is a hot bed of intensely intentional incest and we can address that by now considering you're describing what is pathologised as borderline personality disorder
I love this. I also appreciate the fact that sometimes, we do need to perform happiness, in the most main character-on-camera type of way, in order to feel it :)
This was a great read! I definitely feel this very strongly at work, and like you said showing vulnerability at work can be quite risky. It’s certainly hard to not feel burnt out and exhausted when I’m performing happiness at work, especially as I’m more introverted by nature… And it’s so true - it is very much the small things, that don’t necessarily make the highlight reel, which make us feel so real and happy!
I get it although I’m not so good at faking it
exactly what i needed to read as someone who tends to perform for the non-existent invisible, yet all-seeing camera. sometimes it's hard to step off the tightrope, but once you do, there's peace on two feet.
Is masking so epidemic & a result of the trickle down culture, across every aspect of media at present? So many are drowning in it.
Fake it till you make it does not work with peace, nor with happiness.
And you know, definitely, it’s performative when you’re posting on social media.
Substack might be an exception.
soul touching, gut wrenching, i love this.
Needed this so bad. Probably your most important article so far.
This is a great essay! I think we perform (be it happiness or other emotions) because we, as society, have completely failed to accept and normalize other types of emotions (like sadness or frustration).
We all feel those, though. But we often don’t feel safe to express those so we just put a “happy mask” and carry on.
The world would be a better place if we could all just be who we truly are at all stages of emotion without permanently needing to scan the room to do so. Having to put those masks constantly is simply draining.
This was a great essay that sparked great reflexions!
This really flips the script—so often we chase happiness as a destination, when the real skill is recognizing it in the moment. Learning to spot when you’re already performing happiness is like discovering a hidden superpower: it turns everyday life into a series of joyful wins, not just milestones to wait for.