I love this post. I'm 59 and actually did love my twenties. But-I have daughters in their twenties and I can see that being in your 20's now is very different that it was in the '80's and 90's. I did not have the (cultural) pressures and expectations my daughters now experience. I can't imagine how hard it is to constantly be feeling like you have to have it all figured out. That takes a lifetime! I grew up in a kinder world, with much lower expectations put upon me. Get a job, any job. Go out and live, anywhere you can afford. Be poor for a while, everyone is. I had parents who supported me, they told me not to worry, that I'd eventually figure it out. That helped me believe in myself.I failed, a lot, but at that time failure was expected, and accepted. Your suggestions are spot on and will help many. Thanks for sharing.
A fantastic essay! I’m in my mid-30s and going through what I call a second puberty (as a Trans and neuroexpansive person) and it’s been really difficult navigating online spaces because a lot of the advice is geared towards people in their 20s and how still the expectation of having your life figured before 30 makes me feel like I fell behind and done something wrong that I haven’t reached where I’m “supposed” to be. Looking back at my 20s, that decade feels like my true “teenage years” and my current time nearing 35 is where a lot of the stereotypical “finding yourself, your purpose, etc” rhetoric given to 20 year olds feels more accurate. Turning 30 and being in your 30s is not the end nor are you preparing to enter a nursing home for ~wasting~ your life away. This is literally the beginning of my life where I have autonomy and have a better sense of myself, healing, and finding my purpose and path in life. Existing as a human is a lifelong contract of learning, experiencing, healing, and doing it all over again and that journey looks different for everyone, despite some generational commonalities. To those in their 20s or are about to enter them, you’re are still just a baby (hell I’d say newborn) and to those in their 30s+, life is only starting and you can make your life in any way you see fit because it’s YOUR life. There’s no manual or script that you need to follow.
I am 25 - slap bang in the middle of it - and I have at least one existential crisis per week because my life isn't happening the way I thought it would. I'm learning patience and making the most of the journey, even though it's hard. It makes me so happy to know that others are in the same position.
I want you to know that when the notification pops up how i always cross my fingers and say i hope it’s from “milk and cookies” i swear your writing makes me sooo aliveeee 🤌🏾🤌🏾🤌🏾
a lot of us older folks reflect on our 20’s fondly, with idealism. ;but a memory is that;a memory and probably doesn’t reflect the challenges of our 20’s
I am twenty-one and I completely agree! Your twenties are not there for you to waste! Make good use of it, because whatever you do in your 20s WILL affect your self-esteem and worth in your 30s/beyond. Along with forming a community of like-minded Christian/Catholic women, I aim to get married and start a family.
I swear you write the best essays.
I'm starting to think the same!
"being better is not the same as being whole." - this sentence just rewired my brain
It is an amazing one. Perfect for me at the moment being 22 and thinking I am late at everything. Thank you. I needed this.
I love this post. I'm 59 and actually did love my twenties. But-I have daughters in their twenties and I can see that being in your 20's now is very different that it was in the '80's and 90's. I did not have the (cultural) pressures and expectations my daughters now experience. I can't imagine how hard it is to constantly be feeling like you have to have it all figured out. That takes a lifetime! I grew up in a kinder world, with much lower expectations put upon me. Get a job, any job. Go out and live, anywhere you can afford. Be poor for a while, everyone is. I had parents who supported me, they told me not to worry, that I'd eventually figure it out. That helped me believe in myself.I failed, a lot, but at that time failure was expected, and accepted. Your suggestions are spot on and will help many. Thanks for sharing.
so immensely comforting as a twenty four year old who feels incredibly lost in my life. thank you for your words 💌
Thank you so much for this. Much needed.
A fantastic essay! I’m in my mid-30s and going through what I call a second puberty (as a Trans and neuroexpansive person) and it’s been really difficult navigating online spaces because a lot of the advice is geared towards people in their 20s and how still the expectation of having your life figured before 30 makes me feel like I fell behind and done something wrong that I haven’t reached where I’m “supposed” to be. Looking back at my 20s, that decade feels like my true “teenage years” and my current time nearing 35 is where a lot of the stereotypical “finding yourself, your purpose, etc” rhetoric given to 20 year olds feels more accurate. Turning 30 and being in your 30s is not the end nor are you preparing to enter a nursing home for ~wasting~ your life away. This is literally the beginning of my life where I have autonomy and have a better sense of myself, healing, and finding my purpose and path in life. Existing as a human is a lifelong contract of learning, experiencing, healing, and doing it all over again and that journey looks different for everyone, despite some generational commonalities. To those in their 20s or are about to enter them, you’re are still just a baby (hell I’d say newborn) and to those in their 30s+, life is only starting and you can make your life in any way you see fit because it’s YOUR life. There’s no manual or script that you need to follow.
I am 25 - slap bang in the middle of it - and I have at least one existential crisis per week because my life isn't happening the way I thought it would. I'm learning patience and making the most of the journey, even though it's hard. It makes me so happy to know that others are in the same position.
I want you to know that when the notification pops up how i always cross my fingers and say i hope it’s from “milk and cookies” i swear your writing makes me sooo aliveeee 🤌🏾🤌🏾🤌🏾
Wow, you did it again. Thank you for this incredibly written piece, every word was on the nose.
i created a substack just to read this post and I’m wondering what sort of healing heaven did I fall into and where was it all my life
a lot of us older folks reflect on our 20’s fondly, with idealism. ;but a memory is that;a memory and probably doesn’t reflect the challenges of our 20’s
I am twenty-one and I completely agree! Your twenties are not there for you to waste! Make good use of it, because whatever you do in your 20s WILL affect your self-esteem and worth in your 30s/beyond. Along with forming a community of like-minded Christian/Catholic women, I aim to get married and start a family.
Great essay!
46 and this is right on. The recommendations are ON POINT as well. Rest is a responsibility, and it remains massively important.
yes to everything here 🫧🪸🐠
I recently wrote a post about my experience in my twenties and your piece definitely helps 🥹