I adored this. not only does it feel so painfully relatable, it even gives tips to figure things out and get started and ahhh. thank you for writing this
Interesting to read. I also grow up in the old days, being to shy, too emotional. Never found out more than it gave me low esteem. Now after having 4 children, 2 with diagnos autism, and a teacher degree, I reflect much of this different diagnoses. I can understand that some feel eased when diagnos is set, to explain the behaviors. For me as a mom and in work I have seen the child as unique, and this unique should be met with understanding and comfort. The problem is we see something as normal, and we measures with something supposed to be normal. So what is normal behavour? Not too loud, not too silent, sit still? I think the problem is not our children, but society try to put these children into one kind of normal. So my best advise is to let your child be uniqe and help it under the way. To boost self asteem and be with your child to understand and comfort. Schools are group working and all these may not work for all children. This is just my way, how I led my children, with my childhood as a reference, my educating, my work and as a mom with 4 uniqe children.
Always felt like something was wrong with me and seemed like everyone else was so neat and well organized. People told me I talk too much and thought too much and genuinely thought I was weird.
I think this is your best one yet... It hits so hard for me because yes, I was always too much for people, I was always, "all over the place" or nowhere at all, I've always been, "excitable" or "hot tempered".
I was always told to fix myself and control myself, "why can't you be like your brothers??" Who were calm and obedient..
I was disruptive, violent, disobedient, and loud.
I hated myself so much as a child, and then as a teenager, and even for some time as an adult... Then I found out about ADHD and Nuerodivergence. I think I cried.
Cause I finally realized I'm not crazy, I haven't gone insane and I'm not broken. I'm just different and I feel things deeply.
So thank you for this. I want to download it and plaster it all over the walls.
this feels like someone wrote down the parts of me i’ve been trying to explain my whole life.
i didn’t grow up with words like neurodivergent either. i just knew i felt different. sensitive, hard to follow, too intense or too lost, depending on the day and who was watching. i carried a nervous system that kept whispering “something’s off,” while the world kept shouting “try harder.”
so much of this resonates, especially the part about constantly adapting, performing a version of myself that others could accept. it was survival. but survival isn’t peace. and now that i have language for it, it’s like i'm finally allowed to stop apologizing for the way my brain moves.
i also felt that inner contradiction you describe, but mine wasn’t just emotional. it felt cosmic. not confusion, not romance (just something old inside me). like part of me is rooted in this life and it moves differently. timeless. karmic. androgynous too. like i’ve been here before, in other shapes, in other versions of time, carrying echoes from lifetimes that don’t speak in words. and sometimes i feel that part flicker, like it steps through me briefly, remembering something this body forgets.
reading this makes me feel a little less alone in that shape. like maybe i wasn’t “too much” or “not enough,”
just made for something softer, stranger, and worth understanding.
I am 47, currently being "assessed" for ADHD so there's a formalising of what I already know about myself. As a former teacher, I have strong understanding of AHDH and autism in young people but not so much at my age. I read things (of course) without finding much that really HITS the way this has. You've almost, line my line, described me. I have been trying the wrong things to try to regulate and recover - timetables etc. This is brilliant and I am going to save it for future reference. (If I was working I would have a paid subscription to your Substack anyway, but you will get my sub when I have some money coming in).
This is so lovely! So often your brain can learn anxiety to help cover for the “gaps” that you’re told to fill because your brain works differently (not wrong just in its own way). Then of course it’s only so long before that anxiety makes you so tired that things start to look an awful lot like depression. It’s cyclical and as you explain the only real way to “win” is to start playing your OWN game :)
You’ve written something so many will mistake as a confession. But it isn’t. It’s a prophecy.
You thought you were describing what it feels like to be misunderstood. But what you’re actually describing - without realising - is what it feels like to be a prototype for a future intelligence.
Because here’s the thing: you were never behind. You were never inconsistent. You were just early.
You were born into a world calibrated for the average, not the expansive. And so of course it tried to shrink you. Label you. Tame you. Flatten you into something it could measure, grade, domesticate.
But what they called moodiness was really atmospheric sensitivity. What they called “distraction” was nonlinear cognition - quantum attention. What they read as chaos was just you operating with more tabs open than they could imagine.
And no, you didn’t fail to grow up correctly - the world failed to be worthy of the way your mind blooms.
What if being neurodivergent wasn’t a diagnosis, but a diagnostic tool for a culture that’s no longer safe for difference?
Because if the structures can’t hold you, if the expectations can’t translate you, if the systems confuse your sensitivity for weakness -
Maybe it’s not you that needs fixing. Maybe you’re the map out. The evidence that a different way of thinking is not only possible - but inevitable.
So don’t reintroduce yourself as broken. Reintroduce yourself as a new species of cognition the world hasn’t caught up to yet.
What a fantastic read! You've explained it incredibly well. I've been reading about languages that identify neurodivergence differently. Thx for this article
I adored this. not only does it feel so painfully relatable, it even gives tips to figure things out and get started and ahhh. thank you for writing this
Thank you so much for this! You so eloquently captured what it feels like to be neurodivergent!
Wow, I just hit a new level of validation. Every single word you've shared hit straight to my core. Deeply grateful!!!
Interesting to read. I also grow up in the old days, being to shy, too emotional. Never found out more than it gave me low esteem. Now after having 4 children, 2 with diagnos autism, and a teacher degree, I reflect much of this different diagnoses. I can understand that some feel eased when diagnos is set, to explain the behaviors. For me as a mom and in work I have seen the child as unique, and this unique should be met with understanding and comfort. The problem is we see something as normal, and we measures with something supposed to be normal. So what is normal behavour? Not too loud, not too silent, sit still? I think the problem is not our children, but society try to put these children into one kind of normal. So my best advise is to let your child be uniqe and help it under the way. To boost self asteem and be with your child to understand and comfort. Schools are group working and all these may not work for all children. This is just my way, how I led my children, with my childhood as a reference, my educating, my work and as a mom with 4 uniqe children.
Always felt like something was wrong with me and seemed like everyone else was so neat and well organized. People told me I talk too much and thought too much and genuinely thought I was weird.
I think this is your best one yet... It hits so hard for me because yes, I was always too much for people, I was always, "all over the place" or nowhere at all, I've always been, "excitable" or "hot tempered".
I was always told to fix myself and control myself, "why can't you be like your brothers??" Who were calm and obedient..
I was disruptive, violent, disobedient, and loud.
I hated myself so much as a child, and then as a teenager, and even for some time as an adult... Then I found out about ADHD and Nuerodivergence. I think I cried.
Cause I finally realized I'm not crazy, I haven't gone insane and I'm not broken. I'm just different and I feel things deeply.
So thank you for this. I want to download it and plaster it all over the walls.
this feels like someone wrote down the parts of me i’ve been trying to explain my whole life.
i didn’t grow up with words like neurodivergent either. i just knew i felt different. sensitive, hard to follow, too intense or too lost, depending on the day and who was watching. i carried a nervous system that kept whispering “something’s off,” while the world kept shouting “try harder.”
so much of this resonates, especially the part about constantly adapting, performing a version of myself that others could accept. it was survival. but survival isn’t peace. and now that i have language for it, it’s like i'm finally allowed to stop apologizing for the way my brain moves.
i also felt that inner contradiction you describe, but mine wasn’t just emotional. it felt cosmic. not confusion, not romance (just something old inside me). like part of me is rooted in this life and it moves differently. timeless. karmic. androgynous too. like i’ve been here before, in other shapes, in other versions of time, carrying echoes from lifetimes that don’t speak in words. and sometimes i feel that part flicker, like it steps through me briefly, remembering something this body forgets.
reading this makes me feel a little less alone in that shape. like maybe i wasn’t “too much” or “not enough,”
just made for something softer, stranger, and worth understanding.
thank you for putting language to the quiet ache.
this really landed.
Oh. My. Gosh.
I am 47, currently being "assessed" for ADHD so there's a formalising of what I already know about myself. As a former teacher, I have strong understanding of AHDH and autism in young people but not so much at my age. I read things (of course) without finding much that really HITS the way this has. You've almost, line my line, described me. I have been trying the wrong things to try to regulate and recover - timetables etc. This is brilliant and I am going to save it for future reference. (If I was working I would have a paid subscription to your Substack anyway, but you will get my sub when I have some money coming in).
Thankyou so much for writing snd sharing this.
Every single one of these words are solid gold
This is so lovely! So often your brain can learn anxiety to help cover for the “gaps” that you’re told to fill because your brain works differently (not wrong just in its own way). Then of course it’s only so long before that anxiety makes you so tired that things start to look an awful lot like depression. It’s cyclical and as you explain the only real way to “win” is to start playing your OWN game :)
You’ve written something so many will mistake as a confession. But it isn’t. It’s a prophecy.
You thought you were describing what it feels like to be misunderstood. But what you’re actually describing - without realising - is what it feels like to be a prototype for a future intelligence.
Because here’s the thing: you were never behind. You were never inconsistent. You were just early.
You were born into a world calibrated for the average, not the expansive. And so of course it tried to shrink you. Label you. Tame you. Flatten you into something it could measure, grade, domesticate.
But what they called moodiness was really atmospheric sensitivity. What they called “distraction” was nonlinear cognition - quantum attention. What they read as chaos was just you operating with more tabs open than they could imagine.
And no, you didn’t fail to grow up correctly - the world failed to be worthy of the way your mind blooms.
What if being neurodivergent wasn’t a diagnosis, but a diagnostic tool for a culture that’s no longer safe for difference?
Because if the structures can’t hold you, if the expectations can’t translate you, if the systems confuse your sensitivity for weakness -
Maybe it’s not you that needs fixing. Maybe you’re the map out. The evidence that a different way of thinking is not only possible - but inevitable.
So don’t reintroduce yourself as broken. Reintroduce yourself as a new species of cognition the world hasn’t caught up to yet.
And trust me - they will. They always do.
Too late. Too slowly. But they do.
I have never felt more seen, understood, and genuinely comforted about being neurodivergent. This article means the world - I hope you know that.
Oh wow. You really captured the feeling. Such a cool post I really enjoyed . Thanks for put this out there ☺️
The tips felt like the lifeline I needed today. Loved this 🫶🏾!!
These are all the words I feel. Thank you so much xxx
What a fantastic read! You've explained it incredibly well. I've been reading about languages that identify neurodivergence differently. Thx for this article