emotional dissonance: the things we feel but don’t believe we should

there are certain things we feel that we’re not supposed to. and that’s the conflict. the ache. the guilt. the knot in the throat. it’s not always about what’s happening. it’s about the contradiction between what’s happening inside and what’s allowed. the smile we force when we’re hurting. the excitement we fake when we’re anxious. the disappointment we swallow because “you should be grateful.” the love we no longer feel but keep performing because walking away would hurt too many people. emotional dissonance is the gap between what we feel and what we perform — and the longer we sit in that gap, the more unwell we quietly become.

you know the feeling. when your face is saying thank you, but your body feels resistance. when you’re out at dinner and you’re laughing, nodding, playing your part — but some part of you has left the room. when you’re saying you’re “fine” not because you are, but because explaining the layers would take too long. emotional dissonance is the disloyalty to your truth in favor of keeping the peace, fitting the mold, doing the expected. and sometimes, it’s not even anyone else expecting it — it’s you, expecting yourself to not be so dramatic. so sensitive. so… much.