the art of becoming
identity is one of those things that seems simple on the surface, but the more you think about it, the more complicated it becomes. who am i? where do i fit in? am i defined by what i do, where i come from, or the values i hold? the search for identity is a lifelong process, often filled with twists, turns, and questions we don’t always have clear answers to.
for many of us, identity starts with what we’re born into—our family, culture, religion, and societal expectations. we grow up absorbing the norms and values of those around us, assuming that’s who we are. but as we age, we realize that identity isn’t just about where we come from; it’s also about who we choose to become. this is where the tension begins. the values of our upbringing might not always align with who we feel we are inside, and that’s where identity issues can emerge.
one of the biggest struggles with identity is the pressure to conform. we all have an innate desire to belong, and sometimes that means molding ourselves to fit in with certain groups, even if it doesn’t feel authentic. maybe you’ve stayed in a job, a relationship, or a social circle because it felt like the “right” thing to do, even though deep down it didn’t align with who you truly are. this conflict between external expectations and internal desires creates a disconnect that can be hard to reconcile.
social media complicates this even further. we’re constantly bombarded with images and narratives of who we should be—successful, happy, polished. we compare our messy, real lives to the highlight reels of others and end up feeling inadequate, like we’re not measuring up to some invisible standard. this can lead to a kind of identity crisis, where we start to question who we are in relation to the world around us. am i enough? am i doing life right?
and then there’s the issue of changing identity. who you were in your twenties may not be who you are in your thirties, forties, or beyond. maybe you’ve gone through a major life change—career shift, divorce, parenthood, or even just a new passion that’s altered your sense of self. these changes can feel unsettling because they force us to let go of old versions of ourselves that we were once comfortable with. but this evolution is a natural part of life; identities aren’t fixed, and that’s okay. growth often means outgrowing old definitions of ourselves.
at the heart of many identity issues is the question of authenticity. am i being true to myself? it sounds simple, but it’s incredibly hard to navigate, especially when so many external forces shape who we think we’re supposed to be. it takes time, self-reflection, and sometimes the courage to break away from those external pressures to carve out a sense of self that feels real.
one thing that helps is recognizing that identity isn’t about choosing one label, one role, or one path and sticking to it forever. we’re all made up of multiple layers—our past experiences, our dreams for the future, our relationships, our work, and our passions. embracing the complexity of identity can be freeing. you don’t have to be just one thing. you can be someone who loves art and science, who’s introverted at work but extroverted with friends, who values tradition but also challenges it.
ultimately, identity is personal. there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to who you should be. the key is to stay curious and open to discovering and rediscovering yourself along the way. life will throw you challenges that force you to question everything, and in those moments, your sense of identity may feel fragile. but that’s part of the process. it’s okay to not have it all figured out. because in the end, identity isn’t about finding a fixed definition of yourself. it’s about being comfortable with who you are, no matter where life takes you.