how to make real friends as an adult

making friends as an adult is an entirely different game than when we were kids. back then, it was as simple as sharing a toy or bonding over recess activities. now, between work, responsibilities, and life just moving at a faster pace, building new friendships can feel like trying to solve a complex puzzle. but while it may seem daunting, it’s far from impossible—and, in fact, can be one of the most rewarding things you do for yourself.

the first step to making friends as an adult is recognizing that it takes effort. gone are the days when friendships just happened because of proximity. in adulthood, you have to actively seek out connections and put yourself in environments where meeting new people is possible. it can feel awkward at first, especially if you’re used to having a set group of friends, but like anything else, practice makes it easier.

one of the best places to start is with common interests. think about the things you love doing or want to learn more about. whether it’s joining a fitness class, signing up for a book club, or attending a workshop, these shared experiences provide natural conversation starters and a built-in way to connect. when you’re in a space where you’re all engaging in something you enjoy, the pressure to “make friends” feels less forced and more organic. plus, you’re more likely to meet people who align with your values and interests.

work is another place where friendships can flourish. while colleagues won’t always turn into close friends, you spend so much of your time at work that building casual friendships can make your day-to-day more enjoyable. grab lunch with a coworker, start a conversation about something beyond the usual work talk, or attend company events with an open mind. it doesn’t have to be forced, but showing up and being approachable can lead to deeper connections over time.

moving beyond work, social media can be a surprisingly effective tool for adult friendships. in this digital age, connecting with like-minded individuals online can sometimes be easier than in person. follow local community groups or hobby-based accounts that interest you. if someone seems cool, don’t be afraid to slide into their dms with a thoughtful comment or suggestion to hang out. it might feel a little strange at first, but hey, social media has a way of bringing people together who may have never crossed paths otherwise.

volunteering is another avenue worth exploring. not only does it allow you to give back to the community, but it also connects you with others who share a similar drive for helping out. working side by side on a common goal creates an instant bond, and before you know it, you’re making new connections with people who have the same passions as you. it’s a win-win.

if you’re in a new city or just feeling disconnected, apps like bumble bff or meetups can help. these platforms are specifically designed for people looking to make friends. think of it like dating, but for friendships—without the pressure of romantic expectations. it’s a great way to meet people in similar situations who are also actively seeking connections, which helps remove the awkwardness of approaching someone who may not be on the same page.

but one of the most important aspects of making friends as an adult is being open and vulnerable. this doesn’t mean spilling your life story right away, but it does mean allowing yourself to be genuine. sometimes, we keep walls up or don’t invest in friendships because we fear rejection or judgment. but by being real, you invite others to do the same. meaningful friendships are built on authenticity, so let your guard down a little. the people who resonate with you will gravitate towards that energy.

patience is key in this process. unlike in school or college, where friendships developed quickly due to shared experiences and time, adult friendships can take longer to solidify. don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t happen right away. building a deep, meaningful friendship is more about quality than quantity. focus on the few who genuinely vibe with you, and let those relationships grow naturally.

lastly, stay in touch. life gets busy, and sometimes even when you hit it off with someone, the friendship can fizzle out if effort isn’t made to nurture it. text them, set up a time to meet, and keep the momentum going. friendships, like any relationship, require maintenance and care.

at the end of the day, making friends as an adult comes down to stepping outside your comfort zone and being proactive. yes, it can be intimidating, but it’s also exciting. the world is full of people who are just as eager to connect as you are, and by putting yourself out there, you open the door to new and fulfilling friendships that can enhance your life in ways you didn’t expect.